It is not too often that we don’t judge someone when we hardly know them, or even take the time to listen to their side of the story. I decided to give a chance to this one man; you know, throw the dog an old bone. However it was not because I had been persuaded by an egotistical man, as every good woman knows that men like that are:
a) Trouble
b) Believe that in order to "obtain" women, they need to behave rudely
c) Think that a) and b) are acceptable behaviour
The risk I took was one I’d taken more then a few times and its not just men to blame here, its the whole idea or "strategy" that people do when it comes to ’dating’ or ’meeting people’. I knew I’d done a few random things in my time but it is doubtful we ever think of ourselves as crazy - but somehow that THE OTHER PERSON is who is the disfigured character.....but this is not entirely accurate because human behaviour fundamentally relies on blaming people.
.:. We cannot accept our own faults & our own misgivings, so blaming other people is deemed necessary.
Thanks to imprint learning, when it comes to meeting new people - we behave in the only way we know how, to either (or all) flight, fight or imitate what somebody has done to us in the past. After these "subliminal strategies" that we undertake, it is often a feeling of anger, regret, sadness, abondonement or even hate. Unfortunately, it also happens that as a general consenus, only one party feels this way and the other (seemingly) does not feel this. However this theory is also untrue. Some people "reject" other people in order to avoid confrontation - which is not only emotionally immature but also displays their lack of confidence.... If you’re reading this and it sounds familiar, in no way should you feel negatively, but remember that "dating" is not always easy, unless it involves two willing parties. I guess that’s why most of us just bang and leave.
Back to my story of a new man...or men..................
Essentially, all of them were doing my head in. Successful? Usually. Attractive? Always. Happy? Assume so. Suited to me? Not in the least. Or so I thought.
I soon realised that most people when coming across potential talent, they chose to not particularly be:
1. Emotionally involved (as always - typical behaviour of any/all people). Even on a low level
2. Maintain attraction to a person longer then 2 weeks
3. Put in equal effort into seeing or being with the people
4. Feel grateful
5. Enjoy the experience.
Many if not all of my good friends that managed to somehow keep up with my dating interest, all believed that I always "went for the same type of guys". I was pretty tired of hearing it and similar to every other person that has heard that phrase – it is more then a little annoying. The tiring, ambivalent explanations I had to give to defend for whoever was the current man, became tedious.
As I dived into the shallow-but-oh-so-tempting aqua blue water and touched the unexpected white sand on the bottom of the sea bed, I realised that diving head first was not the reason that so many women out there were making the mistake .... We weren’t swimming in the right sea. Some people love warm watered beaches, some people enjoy it nicely chilled and even the macho of all macho men love nothing better then an icy dip.
For maybe the seventh time in the last 2 months I sat opposing reality. I had a good time, most of the times I’d been out, but it didn’t feel the attraction for longer then a week. I also discovered that it was nearly impossible to force attraction for someone who simply did not have ‘it’. By going out with men who I thought would be good for me, who ticked every check-listed box on my score card, didn’t necessarily mean that sparks would fly.
When I looked up across the table in the expensive restaurant, I saw a man who’d tucked his serviette into his collar and made a mess like a four year old. Realizing that the situation was not the mans style, but the effort he’d put in was touching....I knew it was going to be another kiss-and-run episode for me...Unless..
Despite anybodies supposed ‘better judgement’ there felt as though something was there. Why? Because it was somebody that interested me, challenged me, inspired me? I was tired of "testing" and trying out my theories in order to be wiser for not only myself, but for every other person that was "dating" and never truly felt satisfied.
Everything that we doubted about dating - was a complete fabrication. And this was our downfall.
We could not simply approve a person we were dating, as they were, for more then a little while. We could not settle for their faults, and maybe we weren’t meant to. But when we did meet the person who *COULD* challenge, enthrall & inspire us then we should put in the effort...despite what we believe is the best method of dealing with people.
Cut the crap. Give people a chance, you have to be willing; not just to bang but to be a reasonably good person - to the person who you are with..because nobody deserves to be treatedly badly, no matter if their actions in the past suggest they are not worth it. This is when we’re meant to be LIVING our lives, not shying away from possibilities.
I knew that honour in dating wasn’t lost. We had forgotten to trust our feelings, and enjoy them at the same time.
- True story
March 2008
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Meet and Greet: How To Beat the Cheat
A Saturday night like no other; spent working. as I spun around to help another customer who was friendly and sweet, I laughed as the man entertained me. Before leaving he whipped around and wrote down his number: not by my asking, or flirting, but off his own interest. When I came home I put the piece of paper away, deciding not to pursue anything for the better good, despite how attractive & charming he was.
2 weeks later, the same man appeared, smiling with wide eyes. He joked with another girl working with me, and as he walked away she told me what every woman expects to see coming:
"Yeah I know him! He's my best friends boyfriend. Yeah they've been together awhile. .....Why??????"
Smiling to myself I knew it was inevitable.
Later he came up to me and said, "Apparently I tried to pick you up last week...so where's my call?"
and, no joke I replied with these exact words: "So where's your girlfriend???".
And that was that. He scurried off and I have honestly to this day never seen someone more embarrased or shamed.
When the man came back at the end of the night, he was now accompanied by his Mrs, and she evil-eyed me like there was no tomorrow. Somehow, it was my fault. Except - I had never encouraged the guy. I didnt know of his attachment. Naturally she would be mad, but to blame me seemed out of the question.
This had me wondering: how many men behaved as though they were single? What happened if I HAD of called this guy? His girlfriend never would have known. Was it suddenly "acceptable" by men in today's age to do this? It seemed a good answer to the begging question of why so many of us have a 'once off'.
Shameful? Yes.
Unbelievably it was so common! I believed more investigating needed to be done...were we all lacking in morals that we couldn't stick to the one person? Sure it's difficult & if you CANT do it, then don't be in a relationship - as that is the soul purpose of being in a relationship. Don't tell an 18 year old virgin you're in love with her.....but grab 3 other girls at the same time, then lie about it when she's been told from the ACTUAL PEOPLE of whats happened. I couldn't help but laugh as the familiarity of the scent of an insecure, egotistical, unsure, emotionally abusive man(or men?) wafted over me as more then a few GIRLS and women alike wrote stories& explanations, just as I have right now, about the man (AND MEN) who have done this to them. Men aren't always to blame, because over time women have adapted this ideology, most likely because they have had the same thing done to them before.
It was all too familiar to Bill Clintons "Don't ask, don't tell policy" from 1993...if you didn't ask, you wouldn't know.
Nearly every person only concerned themselves, with themselves and never others. We're a society that views winning & losing; and nobody wants to lose. We all want to gain. Maybe we're greedy; maybe we can't keep ourselves to one person. Or maybe nobody reminded us of how narrow-minded we're being.
Sure we can selfishly ignore everything we've been taught. Or we can embrace "inner goodness". Have a snore,but acting like a shitcunt won't have people respect or like you. Dont think you need respect? Then you're the exact type of person I'm talking about.
♥
May 2008
- Entirely true story, nothing fabricated
2 weeks later, the same man appeared, smiling with wide eyes. He joked with another girl working with me, and as he walked away she told me what every woman expects to see coming:
"Yeah I know him! He's my best friends boyfriend. Yeah they've been together awhile. .....Why??????"
Smiling to myself I knew it was inevitable.
Later he came up to me and said, "Apparently I tried to pick you up last week...so where's my call?"
and, no joke I replied with these exact words: "So where's your girlfriend???".
And that was that. He scurried off and I have honestly to this day never seen someone more embarrased or shamed.
When the man came back at the end of the night, he was now accompanied by his Mrs, and she evil-eyed me like there was no tomorrow. Somehow, it was my fault. Except - I had never encouraged the guy. I didnt know of his attachment. Naturally she would be mad, but to blame me seemed out of the question.
This had me wondering: how many men behaved as though they were single? What happened if I HAD of called this guy? His girlfriend never would have known. Was it suddenly "acceptable" by men in today's age to do this? It seemed a good answer to the begging question of why so many of us have a 'once off'.
Shameful? Yes.
Unbelievably it was so common! I believed more investigating needed to be done...were we all lacking in morals that we couldn't stick to the one person? Sure it's difficult & if you CANT do it, then don't be in a relationship - as that is the soul purpose of being in a relationship. Don't tell an 18 year old virgin you're in love with her.....but grab 3 other girls at the same time, then lie about it when she's been told from the ACTUAL PEOPLE of whats happened. I couldn't help but laugh as the familiarity of the scent of an insecure, egotistical, unsure, emotionally abusive man(or men?) wafted over me as more then a few GIRLS and women alike wrote stories& explanations, just as I have right now, about the man (AND MEN) who have done this to them. Men aren't always to blame, because over time women have adapted this ideology, most likely because they have had the same thing done to them before.
It was all too familiar to Bill Clintons "Don't ask, don't tell policy" from 1993...if you didn't ask, you wouldn't know.
Nearly every person only concerned themselves, with themselves and never others. We're a society that views winning & losing; and nobody wants to lose. We all want to gain. Maybe we're greedy; maybe we can't keep ourselves to one person. Or maybe nobody reminded us of how narrow-minded we're being.
Sure we can selfishly ignore everything we've been taught. Or we can embrace "inner goodness". Have a snore,but acting like a shitcunt won't have people respect or like you. Dont think you need respect? Then you're the exact type of person I'm talking about.
♥
May 2008
- Entirely true story, nothing fabricated
Pop music: aint got Soul
For anyone that remembers the one and only American comedian and sitcom star Roseanne (not Rosie O'Donnell!)...she had more then hostile words about the recent cases about Chris Brown's beatings to pop princess sensation and girlfriend, Rhianna. What
Ms. Roseanne said, was put amazingly. JEALOUSY is no cause to hurt someone else. Chris Brown was something amazing of a talent but there is no excuse. Wanker.
Heres a view of what Roseanne soap-boxed about:
IT'S YOUR FAULT, ASSHOLE! as for all the mealy mouthed hollywood and music scene chicks that can't bring themselves to condemn a misogynistic bully, let me say this: your time as whores for propaganda is ending, bitches".
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